Word from Uganda!

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." --Romans 15:13

I have heard word! I have actually heard word from the mouths of my sweet children in Tororo! I am in amazement that I was able to communicate with them directly... and hear the sound of their precious voices. I am usually one to dis technology and how our advancements have made us impersonal and lazy; however, today I am rejoicing and thanking God for fast and convenient ways of communicating around the globe.

On our last day at Smile Africa, Kasifa (a 13 year old girl, cousin to Juma) gave a team member a cell phone number to reach. We weren’t sure whose it was or if it would even work, but after a few weeks of being home we decided to try calling. We used skype to call Uganda, as it's cheaper and seems to make clearer connections. When I called, an unfamiliar man’s voice answered, and I repeatedly tried to tell him I was looking for Kasifa, or Jowelia or Juma? Finally the children around caught on and came running… they were screaming and shouting and fighting over the phone. I could hear the excitement in their voices! After settling down I was able to talk to them each, though Juma hogged the phone most of the time. Juma was able to update me on Smile Africa and told me he was learning at school. He kept telling me, “I miss you so much! When are you coming back?” I can’t explain to you how much joy I felt in hearing their voices. I was overflowing with love because I could hear how happy and joyful they were. In that moment, God gave me peace and understanding. He was taking care of them all this time, and there was no need to worry. He will continue to fill their hearts with joy and hope.

In communicating with Juma, he informed me that Alapen was sick again. He wasn’t able to give me more details, but he described Alapen as withdrawn and not socializing with the other children. My heart aches in missing this sweet little boy, and many days I want to fly over, pick him up and bring him back home with me. Right now, I can’t do that, so instead I must trust that His Father is watching over him.

I was also informed from other missionaries that Nika (the malnourished baby girl who was adopted to live at Awenjo House) was also sick for awhile. I am uncertain of her progress? Unfortunately, the Ugandan parents taking care of the 20+ children were found beating them and were asked to leave. Awenjo House is supposed to be a safe, loving home for these children, so please pray that God sends devoted, compassionate servants to care for these children.

I’m not sure if I have shared any stories about Moses before, but I will try to give you a little background. Moses has been at Smile Africa for several years, and at first glance you think he is around age 1 or not quite 2. Moses is malnourished and unable to walk or even talk. His tiny limbs cannot support the weight of his bloated belly. He has a full mouth of teeth and a mature face, but no words form from his lips. In actuality, Moses is 4 years old. In our time at Smile, we did see improvement in Moses after putting him on a special formula and giving him extra attention. But Moses still has a long way to go. It is even thought by the staff at Smile that Moses has TB- of the bone? Most days Moses was brought to Smile by a sibling, but other days when he didn’t show we would go retrieve him to bring him to Smile to be cared for. There was talk of Moses’ mother struggling with alcohol abuse and neglecting her children, so in many ways Moses was lacking parental care. Yet I received word a few days ago that Moses’ mom has passed away, leaving him a true orphan. I am sad to know these children have lost their mother and now must fend for themselves in unimaginable conditions. I am hopeful that Pastor Ruth is finding care for Moses and has plans to house some of these orphans at Smile.

For some positive news: Chulu (malnourished baby girl sent to treatment in hospital) is continuing to make progress! She is a healthy little girl—she is busy walking and talking, playing and laughing. At one point during our trip we weren’t sure if Chulu was going to live, and now she is dancing her way through life:)

Luke is a child that was born with both male and female reproductive parts. In Africa, many of these children never get a chance- are rejected- and never understand what gender they are. However, Smile Africa was able to pay for Luke to have surgery this past week, and Pastor Ruth reported that everything went well and he is healing quickly! Pastor Ruth was excited to put him in boy’s clothes and give him a sense of identity. Please pray for Luke as he recovers and deals with the changes.

Lastly, during our stay in Tororo the team was extremely frugal. At the end of our trip we were able to give away what was left of our money. It was wonderful to be able to spend time with these people and this ministry, and then give based on the needs we saw. It was also comforting to know that our money was being left in good hands with people we trusted- people honestly serving God and His children. We were able to donate over $2,000 to Smile Africa! Pastor Ruth has informed me that the donation will be put towards building a room for the babies to stay in and to pay for a widow or young woman to care for them. We were also able to pay for our two Ugandan friends’ (Winnie 20 and Penina 17) Higher Education for the entire year. These young women could not afford school for the upcoming year and unable to finish their education... without an education these girls are limited and forced to live a life in the village with little say of their future. So thank you supporters for your contributions! Your donations reached far and wide and touched the lives of many in Tororo.

Oh and one more thing! My teammates and I left most of our belongings at Smile to be donated to the girls and women in need. Pastor Ruth sent me pictures today of many modeling their “new” clothes!!! They look as if they feel beautiful in something new and clean…

You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.

~Psalm 30:11-12~

dirty little hands

It has been difficult for me to want to write about being home. When I write it down it becomes more real to me that my trip is in fact over. Some days I don’t even believe I went to Africa- it all happened so fast. Let me say that I am excited to be home and to be surrounded by family and friends that love me. I missed my brothers. I missed playing with my niece. I missed sharing stories with my grandfather. I missed hugging my boyfriend. I missed knowing about the lives of my youth in Jackson. Yet in all the excitement of seeing loved ones, I really wanted to burst into tears for missing my children and the people in Tororo. As things began slowing down and the newness of me being home went away, I broke down.

Many days at Smile I had to step away and take a breath when I was being smothered by hundreds of children. I constantly had dirty little hands all over my body- hanging on my arms, holding on to my legs, touching my face, lying on my chest, clinging to my waist, pulling on my hair. It seemed like they couldn’t be close enough. It’s hard for me to imagine that ever being too much or overwhelming. Because right now I want nothing more than to have those little hands all over me. I long for them. My heart aches for their attention and affection.

In my transition back home I keep asking God what is next? I know He is not finished with me…we are only beginning. Although I can’t be in Uganda with my babies right now, I trust that God will lead me back there. During my trip I was dreading coming back to this society and the pressures that come with it- having to tend to responsibilities and making money to survive. I simply asked God to give me clarity and understanding of the next step. He is faithful. As I was getting ready to return to America He laid on my heart- Jackson, Tn. I always said I hated Jackson and after college would NEVER live there. That God is a funny guy…cause I’m doing as He says and moving to Jackson. Not sure what He has in store for me but I’m going.

I went to Lakeshore (A Methodist Camp in West Tenn) this weekend to speak about my trip to Uganda. I didn’t know if I was ready, but I said yes and went anyway. The theme of the 30-hour famine was relating physical hunger with spiritual hunger. In that hunger we experience emptiness—then desire—then fulfillment—then we share. I spoke about having a desire to go to Africa and how that became a calling that God asked me to fulfill. What I realized is in fulfilling His commands He in turn fulfilled me. I didn’t go to Uganda hoping to fulfill my own desires, but in stepping out in faith and giving everything to God He filled me with love, understanding, patience, wisdom, clarity, friendship- He fulfilled my spiritual hunger. I know that in missing my children and my heart aching for their dirty little hands I know that I did what God asked of me. “This is how we know we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands” 1 john 5:2. If we love God and follow through with His commands, He will take care of the rest. He will fill you with all you need to love His children.

My next step is to share. God is asking me to share my story and the things He showed me in Uganda. I don’t know exactly what that looks like yet, but He is faithful and I trust He will show me the way.

In missing my children God has revealed to me that He longs for my love in that same way. God longs for our dirty little hands to be all over him- pulling at his arms, touching his face and clinging to Him through His word and prayers. He never gets overwhelmed or needs a break- He loves us so much that we can cling to him always, and He will always fill us with love and affection in return. He wants us to feel as if we can't get close enough. He wants us to desire to know Him better. To not only use words to declare our love for Him but instead to act on it. Step out in faith and follow God commands. Go and fulfill His call, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Pray “that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith” 2 Thessalonians 1:11.
As I miss my children and am weary of where He leads me next, I am comforted that I can wrap my dirty little hands around God and cling to Him for strength.

I hope to receive an update from SMILE soon, but in the mean time I would love for you to be in prayer for my children and the staff at SMILEJ

home sweet home

We safely arrived back into the country! We made it just before the bulk of the snow storm in NY- as soon as we got through customs and immigration we looked up to see all arriving and departing flights had been canceled. If we had been any later we wouldn't have been able to land at JFK. Thank God for allowing us to land safely in America and for giving us beautiful snow to come home to:)

Our bodies were in a bit of a shock coming from the hot sun of Africa to a blizzard in NY, but we quickly adjusted as we dropped our luggage off at AIM headquarters and grabbed a sled to have a few minutes of fun in the snow! Three days prior we were debriefing by a pool in Kampala, Uganda and now we are playing in the snow?

We are having a day of debriefing and rest here, and then hope to catch our flights home. We are praying that the roads and runway will be cleared by later this afternoon so we can reach our families! Please pray for my team and I as we go our separate ways and adjust to life back in the States. As a team we having to process leaving Africa, coming home to America, and leaving each other. Here at headquarters we were each given our own separate rooms to relax and rest; however, we all went straight into one big room and piled five of us into three beds! We aren't ready to be away from each other just yet. Its amazing how God put us together and created a family among us. I love these women so much and have grown close to them through this experience, so pray for us also as we leave each other. There are many people and things I will miss in Africa, but I am excited to see my family and friends in Tennessee! I can't wait to hug y'all!

Last day at SMILE

Today was a difficult day. As soon as I arrived at Smile I could tell I was going to be fighting back the tears. I was already dreading four o’clock. The count down had begun, and I was limited to only a few more hours with my children. All day the thought of saying goodbye was breaking my heart.

I greeted Juma with a smile and “how are you? “ Juma responded, “Im bad. Today is your last day, so I am very bad.” Juma is a twelve-year-old boy and he is my best buddy. I haven’t shared any stories about Juma because I didn’t know where to begin. There are so many children and events I could share, but Juma is one of my favorite stories.

Juma is Mr. tough guy. He is guarded and hardened by the things he has seen in his life. His fear makes him defensive and aggressive towards others. He likes to be in control- in authority. He has no problem beating the children or shaming them in front of a group. He likes the children to feel inferior to him- it gives him power and makes him feel safe.

Juma is a true orphan. He lost both his mother and father at a young age. Juma lives with his grandmother and is forced to be a father figure to the children living with him. In first meeting Juma he shared with me his desire to go to America and be far from Uganda. Juma believes that America is as close as it gets to heaven. He thinks there is no pain, no tears, no crime, no evil in America. He once asked me if a snake bit me would I bleed? Would I feel pain in America? I tried to explain to Juma that America is far from perfect- that we too have poverty, sickness, death and destruction. I wanted him to be proud of Uganda and feel safe to live there. He then shared with me that he feared living here. He feared to sleep at night. He talked about men coming into his house in the middle of the night to come kill him and his family. I asked him why he thought this. Had someone told him this might happen? He said that it had happened- he said his uncle had been beaten to death by these men of the night. I asked him if he was there or if they had harmed him and he said, “they forced me to watch.” They had forced this 12 year boy to watch his only uncle- his only family- be beaten to death right in front of his innocent eyes. This is why my Juma lives in fear. This is why my Juma does not trust and does not let anyone in. This is why my Juma seeks authority and power over the small children because it comforts him- makes him feel safe.

Juma from the beginning wanted to know all about our team and learn about our culture and why we had come to SMILE. He was hungry for friendship and attention yet he struggled to let me into his heart- to love him.

Over the three months Juma and I have become close friends- he calls us best friends. He shares with me, he asks me for advice, he listens, he not only accepts hugs but now asks for them, he likes to just sit and talk with me. I have watched him grow and change over the past three months, and it is truly beautiful. I don’t think I mentioned, but Juma is also Muslim. He had a difficult time at first listening to any of us speak of God and his love of us. Yet I watched him be eager to sit in bible class and ask questions and desire to know more. I also watched his behavior change towards our team, his peers and the children at SMILE. On the last day at SMILE I just sat and observed him. I watched him break up two fights, help a crying child and give his banana to a younger child who needed it much more. He was once the one fighting and making the children cry, and now he was demonstrating kindness and love to others. I couldn’t believe the change I saw in him.

The week before departure Juma kept worrying about when we were all leaving. He asked everyday how many days we had left. We were walking home from SMILE and Juma told me, “I am scared.” I asked him if he meant sad, but he said no he was scared for what it would be like after we all left. He was so afraid that we would never see each other again. It was so sad because I couldn’t promise him that we ever would.

Before I knew it was the end of the day and time to say goodbye. I hugged my sweet Alapen so tight and didn’t want to let him go. It was difficult watching him walk away with no understanding that we wouldn’t be back tomorrow.

I also had someone explain to Maria that I would be leaving to go back home. She immediately was angry with me and resisted my hugs. I didn’t expect any different from my stubborn Maria, and I didn’t blame her for being upset with me. She had learned to trust me and now I was leaving her.

As we walked out of the gates at SMILE I had to watch all my children walk away. My Juma and the other boys just began crying. These tough 12-13 year old boys were sobbing and so was I. We stood at each end of the road and watched each other cry. It was the saddest feeling. Not just leaving but not knowing if I would ever see them again. The boys continued to stay around not wanting to leave. The team and I were staying at SMILE for a going away party the women and staff had put together. The ceremony was so sweet as they spoke about us and thanked us for time spent with them. They all gave us gifts….my favorite being the Kuku (a live chicken!) It amazes me how much they give even when they have nothing.

These relationships have enriched my life. They have made me a better person. They have helped me better understand the love and life of Jesus. We met with Pastor Ruth and discussed what we had seen in SMILE. By the time we finished it was 8pm and as we exited the gate I looked to my left and there on the side of the road was my Juma. He had been waiting all this time. Did they not want to go home? Did they not want the day to end? All we could do was just wave goodbye and again my heart broke. I already missed my boys- my friends.

As we drove away from Tororo, I had mixed feelings. Such joy from my time spent here. In a way I was so happy knowing how much I would miss the people here because that meant that I had formed relationships. I had fallen in love with these people and that is why my heart ached so much. As much as I am sad to be leaving, I am confident in the faithfulness of my God. He is the protector. He is the counselor. He is the friend. He is the father that never leaves his children. I can only hope that apart of me will remain at SMILE through memories, through stories, through relationships. I have hope that seeds have been planted that God will water and nurture and allow to grow and bear fruit.

While I am uncertain of God’s plans for me in Africa or whether I will be able to see my children again, I have confidence in praying, “May the Lord keep watch between me and thee while we are absent one from another.” –Genesis 31: 49

First day of school

Holiday is over for the children, and dry season has set in. Its hot hot hot in Tororo- seems to get warmer every day! February 1 was the first day of school for everyone in Tororo. SMILE is not a credited school yet, but they offer Primary 1-3 for those children who can’t afford school fees or who would otherwise be on the street. Several children at SMILE have been sponsored by people or organizations and are able to attend school in town but come to SMILE for lunch each day. SMILE was supposed to begin on Feb. 1 as well but like most things in Africa- they are slow to start. When we arrived the teachers were looking for supplies, for books and pencils for all the children. It seemed like this was the first time anyone had thought about school starting haha. I don’t know why I was expecting it to be like a First Day of school in America.

The children were ready though! They are so hungry for structure and for learning. Some of them just went and sat in the classrooms and waited for something to happen. Many of these children value education so much and know it’s their way to a brighter future. In America many of us take for granted our education and the opportunities it provides.

So February 2 was the actual first day of school! I was impressed by their promptness, and I was excited to see them in their school routine. I felt like a mama sending all my children off to start school and taking pictures of their every move! Many of the children were dressed in their best yet others still come barely clothed (they can get away with that here) The ones enrolled in school down the street at Aturukuku came for lunch dressed in their cute little uniforms. Girls in their dresses or skirts and boys in shorts and sweaters (yes sweaters in this heat!) These children arrive and help the kitchen staff finish preparing the rice for all the other children. I found myself busy in the kitchen this week helping Mama Grace and Mama Catherine (my African mamas). I am amazed at how hard they work to prepare two meals a day for 400 children!

After lunch, I decided to sit in on a class to see what they are learning. I was happy to see dedicated teachers jumping right into lessons and exercises. At times I caught myself comparing school at Smile to that of school in America, and I have to remind myself of the circumstances these kids came from and that any education is beneficial and critical in their lives. Smile is doing great things in the lives of these children. It is a place of hope and a future for many who without it might not be able to survive much less thrive.

As we are preparing to leave Smile I am thankful for them starting school because it provides a nice transition. It doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye, but we have to be grateful for spending their holiday with them- playing, making friends and planting seeds for Christ.

a package for sister

A few days ago, Evelyn the long-term missionary told me the team had some mail! There was a letter for someone and a package for Sister Elizabeth. I was like wow someone got mail! But who is Sister Elizabeth? We don’t have a nun or an Elizabeth on the team? Then it hit me that my name was Elizabeth. My parents were sweet enough to name me something I have never been called…so many times I forget my legal name. When I realized it was for me- I was so excited and immediately jumped on a boda boda to the post office!

I was so shocked to see that a package (a bulky envelope) had made it through! We were told that family and friends shouldn’t send packages because we would likely never see them. Many girls on the team were expecting several letters and haven’t seen them yet. So how did this beefy package make it across the world to me- without someone picking through it or just taking it?

The package was addressed to Sister Elizabeth Carkuff and marked Religious/Educational Material. The Return address read: Christian Community Fellowship with my home address following below. I was so confused? What was Christian Community Fellowship and why had my family addressed it as if I was nun? Haha. It is because they are geniuses!!

My parents had googled “how to get a package to Africa.” Disguising the goodies as religious material for a nun had worked! I couldn’t wait to get home and open it…I knew it had to be good.

Of all the sweet cards and yummy snacks, the best gift was the DVD hiding in the bottom of the package. Due to sporadic electricity my computer didn’t have enough battery power to watch it, but as soon as I got power I popped the DVD in- it was entitled “A Strange Christmas”. My family and friends were all apart of a virtual card telling me how much they missed me and how strange the holidays were without me…it was so sweet and so entertaining! My brothers spent so much time making the film- it was so ridiculous and so hilarious. They all enjoy putting on a show and finding creative ways to be thoughtful. It made me miss them so much though. It made me realize how blessed I am to be loved by my brothers- by such a wonderful, supportive family. For all of you who were in the film, it was so good to see your beautiful faces! Thank you for helping me see a little of home.

Living in Africa, God continues to remind me how blessed I am. How blessed I am to be healthy, to have education, to have food and clothing, to have been loved and cared for by my parents, to have this opportunity to be a witness for Christ. At times here in Uganda I have felt guilty for having so much- for having grown up so easy- so carefree- so happy. But I have learned to not think of having these things with guilt but as blessings that have enabled me to reach this place. Many people and experiences have shaped who I am and given me the tools to be here. I have been reminded this week of something that has been so important in my life and my future.

We had a class for the teenage girls at SMILE this week. We talked about the importance of hygiene and nutrition, but then we discussed the importance of purity and honoring God with our bodies. The class went so well, and it was interesting to see that girls around the world- no matter the country or the culture- they all struggle with the same issues when it comes to the opposite sex. All girls have questions and insecurities with boys, with their bodies and with love. Being with some of these young girls who have been abused or mistreated by all the men in their life just made me realize how blessed I am and have been growing up.

For those of you who don’t know, I am an only girl with four brothers. So it’s no surprise that I am a Daddy’s girl…have been and always will be. I have been blessed with an earthly father that I could always count on, who never let me down. Having such faith in my earthly father allowed me to develop a relationship with my heavenly Father. I had a wonderful example of a father here on earth so believing and trusting in my Father was much easier. His love has made me who I am.

I have been blessed with wonderful, handsome brothers who have always protected me. They kept a close eye and wouldn’t let me go far unless they were right behind me. My brothers respect me and adore me. I don’t think they realize how much they affected my life- how much they made me who I am. It’s because of their love and attention that I never looked for love from boys or in unhealthy ways- I didn’t need it. They too drew me closer to God and making a promise to Him to wait for a Godly man, a spiritual leader to make as my life long companion.

I have been so loved by the men in my life- its so important Daddies, brothers, uncles, boyfriends to show the women in your life adoration, respect and love that leads them to security and confidence.

The men in my life, whom I love with all my heart, are also not perfect. They disappoint and frustrate me at times. It is usually like pulling teeth to get them to tell me details and emotions they are feeling, but they are good to me. I just want them to know how much I appreciate their love and how important their love has been in my life.

I was once told, “Behind every good man, is an even better woman”J That woman would be my mom. So in saying all this about my boys, let me assure you that my mother is the rock. Several times on this trip I have said things and done things just like my mother would. Its crazy how much I am becoming my mother, and I couldn’t be more proud to say that. I can only hope to have her selfless desire to do for others- her compassion for people, her friends and her family. As I’m getting older I am realizing my mother’s wisdom and valuing her opinion (I know I haven’t always showed that). My mom has always supported me- even when I’m floating around dreaming of all I want to do. I appreciate that she supports the dreamer in me but keeps me grounded. My mom made the mistake of telling me, “You have the rest of your life to work, so don’t rush, go and figure things out.” I decided to listen to this one. She also told her children that, “Without a relationship with God, you will never be fully satisfied- you will continue to search for happiness and love that will only be temporary.”

My mom continues to inspire me to grow in my relationship with God, and I hope I can do the same for her. I have been blessed beyond measure with more than I deserve, and I thank God for my family and my parents for allowing me to be here in Africa.

In missing my brothers and family this week I decided to introduce American football to the boys at SMILE. If you don’t know, football is a big part of my family’s life and I have missed football all together so throwing the ball around was such a good feeling. Several of the boys took interest in learning, and I have already decided what position would fit each. I wish I could bring them all to American and stack Cascade football team with some new talent. I have really bonded with some of the boys here, and I am blessed to have new brothers! Check out my African brothers playing football…

Stubborn Maria

Maria. Maria. Maria. Where do I begin with my Maria? There is so much to say about her- she is my stubborn girl who keeps me busy, keeps me laughing, and keeps me praying. Most of the time she drives me insane, but that is why I adore her so much.

In the first few weeks at SMILE, I noticed Maria immediately for two reasons. One, she was always causing trouble. Two, she is the only child at SMILE with blonde hair. She stands out with her dark skin and light hair because no one else is like her. One of my first moments with Maria was a negative one. I was helping with chaotic bath time, and I was doing my best to keep the girls in line and trying to regulate how many were crowded around the basins. There are always a few that want to stay at the basin all day long and play in the water and never leave or move out of the way for someone else. Well Maria is one of those. I had repeatedly told Maria that she was finished. I kept calling for Maria to come out but she refused to listen or to obey. Finally I went in for her and grabbed her hand to lead her out. She did not like that. She fought and pulled and kicked her way out but eventually I won. She was so angry with me for spoiling her fun. She just leaned up against the wall of the bath area and glared at me- she had the most evil look on her face. I knew then she was never going to like me- she would never trust me again. The more she pouted the worse I felt. I began feeling guilty and worried that she would stay mad at me forever.

Maria is a fighter. She is full of spunk. So its no surprise that she inched her way back up to the front of the line and tried to sneak back in for a second bath just in spite- probably hoping I would catch her. She is defiant. She is persistent. She is stubborn. And yes in turning my back for a second, she made it back in.

Maria didn’t come around us much at first- she just did her own thing- mostly terrorizing the other children. I spent a lot of time observing Maria, and I soon realized she didn’t have many friends. She was busy being the bully, and it was sad to see that she wasn’t laughing and playing with other girls her age. She seemed tough and guarded- like she didn’t trust anybody. On the outside she is a six-year-old spitfire, but deep down I felt there was so much more to her.

She got really sick with Malaria, and it became an opportunity for me to nurture her and love on her. She was resistant at first but soon warmed up to me. After babying her for a few days…she was ruined. She was attached and starving for attention and love. So this was the beginning of our relationship.

As I sit here and write about her I have a huge smile on my face because this little girl brings me so much joy! She is now my best buddy. She clings to my side. She has become so affectionate and loving- it still surprises me.

Maria has a trade mark- she communicates using only her eyebrows. She moves them up and down to answer “yes”, but she realized I loved it so much and now she does it all the time! She knows she can get away with most things when she simply raises her eyebrows. She is so animated and so dramatic. I hope that I am painting a picture of just how fun and full of life she is.

Everyone assumes stubborn Maria does not want love- but she is the very one who needs it the most. With time she learned to trust me, follow me, cling to me, listen to me, and obey me. At least I like to think so. On one of Maria’s more feisty days, she and a friend were fighting. I’m not sure who started what, but I saw Alima hit Maria. You just don’t mess with Maria- its not a good idea. Maria took off running after her to get her back..to make her pay. I managed to pull them apart and sit them down for a chat. I tried to explain how they are friends. Friends don’t beat each other- don’t hurt each other even when you are annoyed with one another. Maria put on her sad face and dropped her head. She looked at me with apologetic eyes like they were asking for forgiveness. Did I also mention that she is quite the actress? She could fake a cry to win an academy award, yet for some reason I actually thought she was listening to me and trying to obey me. As soon as I finished, she jumped up and ran after Alima. When she reached the poor girl, she grabbed her by the head and pulled her to the ground. Honestly, I just stood there and laughed. I wasn’t laughing at the poor girl screaming for her life as Maria sat on top of her. I was laughing at myself because I actually believed I was getting through to her. I was laughing at how easily she fooled me.

I was talking to Pastor Ruth about my stubborn Maria and how much I love her although she can be the thorn in my side. Pastor Ruth then informed me on Maria’s story and how she fought to live. She told me about how sick and near death she was when she arrived at SMILE two years ago. She was an extremely malnourished 3-4 yr old and had such a large belly that she couldn’t walk or hardly even move. She would just lay there and moan. She couldn’t even speak- she would just cry from pain and discomfort. With special food and lots of attention and care- Maria slowly got better. She fought to survive. I like to think her stubbornness saved her life. It’s hard for me to imagine not having Maria at SMILE. She has taught me so much about patience, obedience, and love. The world would be at such a loss with out stubborn Maria, so I thank God for her- for every part of her. I thank God for her eyebrows that she uses to win my heart. I thank God for her temper and strong will. I thank God for her passion and intensity about life. I thank God for her compassion and affection for me- for her bear hugs and kisses on the cheek. I never would have dreamed that the stubborn girl I pulled out the bathroom kicking and screaming would be the same little girl pulling on my arms and clinging to my legs begging me not to leave.

Is it love?

Since we arrived at SMILE in November, I was drawn to the underdeveloped, malnourished and what seemed to be neglected babies. Two little baby girls in particular stood out to me as the most in need. Lamorae, who I mentioned in a previous blog about Banana day, has made improvements all around. In this short time I have noticed weight gain and an increase in energy and alertness. She seems happier and more interactive with the other babies. Nika is the other precious tiny baby girl who needs extra attention and love. However, Nika hasn’t made quite the improvements like Lamorae. Nika is still very thin and underdeveloped. She is around 16 months but probably the size of a 5-6 month old. We have noticed more energy throughout the day and an increase in stimulation, but still not enough progress.

We recently met some fellow missionaries in Tororo that are apart of an organization called IAM (International accelerated missions), and one of them felt called to build an orphanage on his compound called Awenjo House. He currently has about 20 orphans of all ages living there with a Ugandan Momma and Papa. They decided to come check out SMILE and visit the children. The IAM missionary felt called to take Nika into his care at Awenjo house. However, Nika is not an orphan. In fact, both parents are alive. Nika’s father left her mother, and now the mother has remarried. The father took the children but neither has much involvement with their children anymore as it seems. All that was needed for Nika to get proper care and love was to sign her over to Awenjo House. The mother came to SMILE and claimed to have no control over her children, so we sent for the father. Both of the parents sat down with Pastor Ruth and the Momma and Papa of Awenjo house and discussed the options. As we were all waiting to hear the decisions- I was looking at Courtney hold Nika in her arms, and I prayed that the parents would give her up and give her an opportunity for a better life. I was hoping for Nika to have a chance to grow and live in a safer environment- I could think of nothing else…until it happened.

Both Nika’s father and mother walked out of the office and right by their children- it all happened so quickly. Like that- they signed over their precious child. They gave her up in a matter of minutes. I was hoping for this to happen and then when it did my heart was breaking for baby Nika. It was difficult to watch her parents leave and watch her siblings, as they had no idea their sister was no longer going to be with them. It all seemed so quick. It seemed thoughtless- like she was an object to hand over. She seemed like a burden being lifted. We all just wanted to cry. My heart ached because I thought how unloved is precious Nika? How could her parents be so heartless?

Then I thought again. Could it be possible that all of this was an act of love? Nika is loved. Her mother and father do love her and realize they cannot care for her properly. Giving her a chance to survive IS love. Giving her a better life IS love. I do not know her parents’ hearts, but I do know that Nika is their child- the child they created. I would hope they would want nothing more than to see their child be cared for and loved. Even more important, Nika is loved by her heavenly father more than any of us can fathom. He is watching over her and caring for her always. He is the one giving her a chance to survive and grow up healthy and strong. He is her creator and protector and provider- He is her father- He will never leave her nor forsake her. That IS ultimate love.

As I watched this situation unfold, I watched the mother gather her things and with no emotion take Nika along with Momma and Papa of Awenjo House to get evaluated at the hospital. At first glance I judged this mother- I accused her of not loving her child. Who am I to know this woman’s heart? Who I am to say she wasn’t dying inside, ashamed, and heart-broken to be giving up her own baby. Who am I to say she isn’t thankful and rejoicing in the Lord that her baby now has a chance to live--and live happily. Out of love, this mother sacrificed her child to provide for her a life she did not have the means to give. I will never know the motives and desires of this woman’s heart and it’s not of my concern. What I do know is that God showed me an act of love. He has given Nika hope and love. Awenjo House can give her so much and I am hopeful in hearing of her progress!

good to be home

It’s so good to be home in Tororo. Traveling was full of adventure, but its nice to be back to familiar faces and places. I couldn’t wait to just be settled again and return to SMILE and see all my beautiful children!

What a homecoming it was! As soon as the team entered the gate, we were met with hugs and hands all around. They were shouting our names and jumping- they were so excited we had returned. It felt so good to pick them up, squeeze them so tight and kiss their cute faces. I felt so much love.

I have been asking for prayers for all my children especially those dealing with illness. Thank you so much for your continued support in praying, and I know many of you are wondering if there have been any improvements or changes.

My sweet Alapen recovered from Malaria, but after Christmas he became sick again with some kind of respiratory infection. He had a mean cough and no energy at all, but we got him some medication and noticed improvements. However, while we were traveling this past week we got word from the long-term missionary that Alapen was very sick again. They thought it might be complications with Malaria, and a staff member at SMILE had to threaten his mother to take him to the hospital. I’m not sure how long he stayed there, but on Friday at SMILE he came walking in all alone. I was surprised to see him there and asked around if he had been discharged or his mother just took him out. No one seemed to have the same answer. In our clinic at SMILE Stephanie checked him out, and he seemed to be feeling better. I didn’t mind babying him all day and letting him sleep in my arms for several hours. I love watching him sleep- his eyes, his cheeks, his lips, his little hands- everything looked so relaxed- so at peace. My Alapen seems stronger today, but please continue to pray for his health and his mother’s wisdom and love for him.

Chulu (the malnourished baby) is back at SMILE and looking much healthier. I am not sure if she stayed for full treatment at the hospital either, but I can report that her swelling is down and she has gained weight. At SMILE we have separated the babies away from all the other children so that may get more attention, quiet sleep, and they are being fed a special formula mixed with milk instead of porridge and rice. Praise God for Chulu’s improvements- for saving her life. Pray that her body continues to grow and develop, and that eventually she will run and play with the other children.

As for Nerod (the malnourished 9 yr old), we haven’t heard anything. His mother never returned to the clinic, and Pastor Ruth hasn’t been able to find them. Please continue to pray for Nerod and his family- that God will protect them, comfort them, give them wisdom and strength.

I had briefly mentioned a young girl who has been struggling with abuse. While I don’t know her situation at home, I can report that her behavior and spirit at SMILE has improved. She seems so full of life and energetic! She no longer isolates herself but instead is playing and laughing with friends. Something is different within her- I can tell that when she is at SMILE she feels safe and loved.

There are still many dealing with sickness and everyday a new child tests positive for Malaria, so the health of the children is still a concern and always needs prayer. Yet these children have come a long way. In the two years SMILE has been in place, many of these street children came malnourished and near death. Many have overcome sickness and have grown to be healthier, happier children. These children have hope at SMILE. God is hard at work here.

Shia is my most recent heartbreak. Shia is a six-year-old boy with severe scabies. Because it has gone untreated for quite some time, he has open sores all along his arms and inner thighs that cause him physical and emotional pain. The sores seem to make him miserable and cause him embarrassment and shame. Many of the children won’t touch him or come near him, and at bath time he is stared at and made to stand all alone. It’s heartbreaking. What is so frustrating is scabies is so easy to treat…when you have the treatment. At this moment, the clinic doesn’t have anything and there is differing opinions on whether its scabies or not. My team feels knowledgeable about Shia’s condition, and we are in the process of treating him out of our own pocket. Scabies is common around SMILE because of their poor living conditions at home or on the streets. With medication, we can treat it and hopefully bring relief to Shia and others. Please pray for Shia’s skin to heal quickly and for his heart from the rejection and pain he has felt.

Now for a praise at my American home! On January 13 at 1:53 pm, a beautiful baby Carkuff was born into this world! My brother Jeff and his wife Jessica welcomed a healthy 8lb. 5 oz. 22in. baby boy, Jimmy Thomas Carkuff. I cannot wait to meet my handsome nephew when I return! My heart longs to be with my family during this exciting time, but I know I must put all of me into my Ugandan home- for my time here is limited.

A source of life

The Nile River is indescribable. Uncontainable. It’s so magnificent- so powerful. The water rushes and surges with speed and incredible force. It is truly majestic. Its like nothing I’ve ever seen.

I felt so humbled being in the midst of this indescribable creation. I felt so small as we rafted through the crashing waves, yet felt so a part of God’s creation. Central Africa, “The Pearl of Africa” is a biologist’s dream. The land is so lush and fruitful with beautiful plants and hundreds of different birds. We did see a few crocs and a snake but far enough away to just enjoy seeing (at least for me). My rafting experience was enhanced by my surroundings- by nature- by God’s creation. As for rafting it was insane! I had never been before in the States, but I can guarantee these rapids are of a different level. I had a wonderful guide and great team. I don’t know if it was pure luck or mad skill, but we managed to have several close calls but no flips. That was until the very last rapid, the monster. If this tells you anything we had to get out of the raft and walk around the first drop because it’s a class 6 and much too dangerous. Yet we jumped back into the middle of this enormous and explosive surge of water. With fear and excitement we plunged in, and shortly after I looked up to see this massive wave about to crash on top of me. The rest is kind of a blur. I went toppling over bodies and paddles and was tossed through the water for a few long seconds. Then I came up under the boat. Thankfully the boat was flipped upside down where it creates pockets underneath and I was able to come up and take a big deep breath. Staying calm and relaxed I pushed my way out from under the boat and let the water carry me down river. My captain was yelling to swim towards the right to the boat, but it was so difficult going against the current- I kept being pulled left when I needed to go right. In time I made it to the boat safely, but struggled to pull myself in the boat from exhaustion. A teammate pulled me the rest of the way in, and we paddled with all we had to reach the other teammates and eventually the bank. We climbed up this steep hill and looked back on what we had come through- what we had accomplished. I just stood in awe of God’s work.

We are in Jinja for an A.I.M. Conference. It is a vacation or break in a sense. I felt so undeserving especially as a short-termer. Many of the long-term missionaries have been here for a number of years, and I fully understand their need to get away, get rest, and fellowship with other missionaries. Apart of me feels guilty for being at a resort- a piece of paradise on the Nile -but these few days have been refreshing and enlightening hearing from other missionaries and what God is doing through them. It was also a chance to reflect and think about my purpose in Africa now and in the future.

I think my rafting experience is so relevant in what I’m reminded of at Conference. There are times when we plunge right into a situation with fear and excitement, and then you are hit and tossed by defeat and discouragement. You just ride it out and catch a breath under the boat to be able to push through and fight the current pulling you away from your task or goal. At times you are exhausted and you need help to climb back into the boat. You need others’ support. Then you look back and realize you have made progress and moved forward even with the obstacles.

The day after rafting, as if I hadn’t had enough thrills and excitement, I decided it would be a good idea to bungee jump into the Nile. Surprise Mom! Im pretty sure she just fainted reading this. It was absolutely terrifying. Honestly, as I stood on the edge of the platform with only a rope and towel (for cushion) wrapped around my ankles, I thought “Why am I doing this?” The Australian instructor explained, “No worries, bungee is 100% safe.” I laughed in his face…and then almost began to cry. My teammate, Ashley, and I jumped together holding tightly to one another as the instructor pushed us off the 145 ft drop into the Nile below. The feeling of falling was horrifying. Falling head first with no feeling of anything catching you is like when you lose your stomach times 1,000. But before I knew it the bungee cord caught me, bounced me around and then eventually lowered me to safety.

This too reminded me that we all fall, we all stumble, and we all feel defeated and discouraged at times. Sometimes taking a risk and jumping out on faith can be horrifying and dangerous. You can be certain (more certain than the bungee cord) that God will catch you and lower you to safety.

Being here in Uganda, I have found myself feeling discouraged and overwhelmed at times. I think it is only normal as I look around at all the need and think of all I wish I could do. Being at this conference, I have been reminded that God is already at work here in Africa. He always has been. We are only joining Him in his work. Surrounded by missionaries who have devoted their lives to these people and this culture, has shown me that they too get burned out and feel like giving up. With God they push through, and its important to sometimes take a breath or two, rest, or accept help from someone. We need each other. Whether we are in Uganda, Africa or Nashville, Tennessee we are like a raindrop in the water creating ripples. The ripples get smaller the farther from the center, so it’s important that we all do our part so that our ripples may overlap and continue to spread. God used average, messed up Peter to create ripples in the water- in His kingdom. The name Peter actually means little stone, and I find it interesting that God used this little pebble to build His church. “Now I tell you that you are Peter, and on this ROCK I will build my church.” (Matt 16:17) God used a little stone to create ripples in the water, and He wants to use us too. When we all contribute, all the raindrops and all the ripples can create a stream—a river—a lake—a source of life and transformation to the land.

a heavy heart

My team and I are leaving in the morning for Jinja for an AIM conference. We are going a day early to raft the Nile River! It should be intense as they are mostly class 4 and 5 rapids…only mini waterfalls. I am exited to just be on the Nile and experience its beauty. Pray for my team and I on this adventure! We will be spending the rest of the week in Jinja, meeting other AIM missionaries from around the central Africa region. I am hoping to meet up with a friend in JInja- I was a counselor with her at Lakeshore this summer and she is in Uganda at the same time! What are the odds! I also hope to visit Katie Davis (kissesfromkatie) I follow her blog, and she is such an inspiration. I am amazed by her ability to obey God and be a mom to 14 beautiful girls in Uganda. I am hoping to find them and meet this amazing family. I am asking you to pray for our travels and our adventures.

I also have it on my heart to share with you several difficult things I saw this week. On Wednesday, one of my teammates Jessica found a little baby girl lying under a blanket under the pavilion. When she pulled back the blanket she saw her eyes rolling back in her head, and then the older sister came and pointed to the baby's swollen feet. Jessica immediately picked up the moaning child and headed for the clinic. This baby girl, Chulu, is extremely malnourished. She has what they call, Kawasaki, or wet malnutrition. It basically means she is skin, bones, and water. Her feet had begun to swell causing the skin to be stretched and shiny around the feet and ankles. Chulu doesn’t normally come to SMILE- this was my first time seeing her. However, Pastor Ruth shared a story of Chulu- that a missionary who had stayed for several months nursed Chulu back to health when she was an infant. She bought and fed her formula everyday until she was healthy. Chulu is three now and obviously not being cared for. The nine yr. old sister was sent to get the mother to come to the clinic. We had to explain to her the seriousness of Chulu’s condition, and that we couldn’t do anything for her at the clinic. She needed to be hospitalized and receiving an IV. The mother came, but she looked annoyed- she did not want to hear what we had to say. She said to us that she did not want to take her to the hospital- she would rather take her home to die. I can’t even explain to you the heartbreak in hearing those words. How could this mother not want to fight for her child’s life. I do not know her story or why she acted this way, I can only pray that she was responding out of anger and embarrassment.

We just kept telling the mother that her child would die if she didn’t take her to get treatment. God worked on this woman’s heart, and she eventually went to the hospital with Chulu. In the hospitals here, you have to have someone stay with you to care for you. There is not a staff to do that. I know this woman is tired and has other children to care for, so I admire her strength to fight to save her child. Pastor Ruth updated us that Chulu is in the hospital receiving treatment, and Pastor Ruth/Smile is paying for it. Please continue to pray for her recovery and for the mother’s desire to love and nurture her precious baby girl.

On the very next day, I saw something even more horrific. As we were getting ready to leave SMILE for the day, I noticed a crowd of children around a woman. A woman was sitting holding her barely breathing son. He too was malnourished and was showing signs through his swelling feet and hands. He was just skin and bones lying in his mother’s arms- you could see his heart beat out of his chest. This boy looked as if he could only see through one eye and he struggled to lift his head to look at us. The boy’s head looked more mature, but his body was the size of a three or four yr. old. We asked the mother his name, “He is called Nerod and he is nine years.”

It was like nothing I had ever seen- its difficult for me to describe. I had no words. The mother just looked at us for some kind of answer. She looked helpless and exhausted. She said she had tried everything, and he had been sick all his life. She had been in out of the hospital with him, but he wasn’t getting any better. We could do nothing for Nerod at the clinic- he needed immediate attention at the hospital- that’s all the medical advice we could offer. We had to seek advice and help from something much greater- with more wisdom- with more power- with more healing touch than anyone can offer on this Earth for Nerod. We just knelt down and prayed for Nerod. I did not even have words- only tears. All I could do was weep. During the prayer, Nerod reached down and grabbed my hand. It was like he was reaching out to comfort me, to tell me it was all going to be ok.

I am still trying to process what I saw in that little nine-year-old boy, and its difficult to carry when you feel you should be doing something right away to save his life. Its just not all that simple. We did go to find Pastor Ruth and tell her of this boy- she was heartbroken as well. She wants to find him and make sure he gets a fighting chance. I don’t know what will happen to Nerod. We are traveling for the next few weeks and won’t be informed, so I can only pray that God protects Nerod. I can only trust that God will be with him and his mother healing their bodies and their hearts.

My heart is heavy for these children- I hope you will join me in praying for Nerod and Chulu, as well as their mothers. They need you.