home sweet home

We safely arrived back into the country! We made it just before the bulk of the snow storm in NY- as soon as we got through customs and immigration we looked up to see all arriving and departing flights had been canceled. If we had been any later we wouldn't have been able to land at JFK. Thank God for allowing us to land safely in America and for giving us beautiful snow to come home to:)

Our bodies were in a bit of a shock coming from the hot sun of Africa to a blizzard in NY, but we quickly adjusted as we dropped our luggage off at AIM headquarters and grabbed a sled to have a few minutes of fun in the snow! Three days prior we were debriefing by a pool in Kampala, Uganda and now we are playing in the snow?

We are having a day of debriefing and rest here, and then hope to catch our flights home. We are praying that the roads and runway will be cleared by later this afternoon so we can reach our families! Please pray for my team and I as we go our separate ways and adjust to life back in the States. As a team we having to process leaving Africa, coming home to America, and leaving each other. Here at headquarters we were each given our own separate rooms to relax and rest; however, we all went straight into one big room and piled five of us into three beds! We aren't ready to be away from each other just yet. Its amazing how God put us together and created a family among us. I love these women so much and have grown close to them through this experience, so pray for us also as we leave each other. There are many people and things I will miss in Africa, but I am excited to see my family and friends in Tennessee! I can't wait to hug y'all!

Last day at SMILE

Today was a difficult day. As soon as I arrived at Smile I could tell I was going to be fighting back the tears. I was already dreading four o’clock. The count down had begun, and I was limited to only a few more hours with my children. All day the thought of saying goodbye was breaking my heart.

I greeted Juma with a smile and “how are you? “ Juma responded, “Im bad. Today is your last day, so I am very bad.” Juma is a twelve-year-old boy and he is my best buddy. I haven’t shared any stories about Juma because I didn’t know where to begin. There are so many children and events I could share, but Juma is one of my favorite stories.

Juma is Mr. tough guy. He is guarded and hardened by the things he has seen in his life. His fear makes him defensive and aggressive towards others. He likes to be in control- in authority. He has no problem beating the children or shaming them in front of a group. He likes the children to feel inferior to him- it gives him power and makes him feel safe.

Juma is a true orphan. He lost both his mother and father at a young age. Juma lives with his grandmother and is forced to be a father figure to the children living with him. In first meeting Juma he shared with me his desire to go to America and be far from Uganda. Juma believes that America is as close as it gets to heaven. He thinks there is no pain, no tears, no crime, no evil in America. He once asked me if a snake bit me would I bleed? Would I feel pain in America? I tried to explain to Juma that America is far from perfect- that we too have poverty, sickness, death and destruction. I wanted him to be proud of Uganda and feel safe to live there. He then shared with me that he feared living here. He feared to sleep at night. He talked about men coming into his house in the middle of the night to come kill him and his family. I asked him why he thought this. Had someone told him this might happen? He said that it had happened- he said his uncle had been beaten to death by these men of the night. I asked him if he was there or if they had harmed him and he said, “they forced me to watch.” They had forced this 12 year boy to watch his only uncle- his only family- be beaten to death right in front of his innocent eyes. This is why my Juma lives in fear. This is why my Juma does not trust and does not let anyone in. This is why my Juma seeks authority and power over the small children because it comforts him- makes him feel safe.

Juma from the beginning wanted to know all about our team and learn about our culture and why we had come to SMILE. He was hungry for friendship and attention yet he struggled to let me into his heart- to love him.

Over the three months Juma and I have become close friends- he calls us best friends. He shares with me, he asks me for advice, he listens, he not only accepts hugs but now asks for them, he likes to just sit and talk with me. I have watched him grow and change over the past three months, and it is truly beautiful. I don’t think I mentioned, but Juma is also Muslim. He had a difficult time at first listening to any of us speak of God and his love of us. Yet I watched him be eager to sit in bible class and ask questions and desire to know more. I also watched his behavior change towards our team, his peers and the children at SMILE. On the last day at SMILE I just sat and observed him. I watched him break up two fights, help a crying child and give his banana to a younger child who needed it much more. He was once the one fighting and making the children cry, and now he was demonstrating kindness and love to others. I couldn’t believe the change I saw in him.

The week before departure Juma kept worrying about when we were all leaving. He asked everyday how many days we had left. We were walking home from SMILE and Juma told me, “I am scared.” I asked him if he meant sad, but he said no he was scared for what it would be like after we all left. He was so afraid that we would never see each other again. It was so sad because I couldn’t promise him that we ever would.

Before I knew it was the end of the day and time to say goodbye. I hugged my sweet Alapen so tight and didn’t want to let him go. It was difficult watching him walk away with no understanding that we wouldn’t be back tomorrow.

I also had someone explain to Maria that I would be leaving to go back home. She immediately was angry with me and resisted my hugs. I didn’t expect any different from my stubborn Maria, and I didn’t blame her for being upset with me. She had learned to trust me and now I was leaving her.

As we walked out of the gates at SMILE I had to watch all my children walk away. My Juma and the other boys just began crying. These tough 12-13 year old boys were sobbing and so was I. We stood at each end of the road and watched each other cry. It was the saddest feeling. Not just leaving but not knowing if I would ever see them again. The boys continued to stay around not wanting to leave. The team and I were staying at SMILE for a going away party the women and staff had put together. The ceremony was so sweet as they spoke about us and thanked us for time spent with them. They all gave us gifts….my favorite being the Kuku (a live chicken!) It amazes me how much they give even when they have nothing.

These relationships have enriched my life. They have made me a better person. They have helped me better understand the love and life of Jesus. We met with Pastor Ruth and discussed what we had seen in SMILE. By the time we finished it was 8pm and as we exited the gate I looked to my left and there on the side of the road was my Juma. He had been waiting all this time. Did they not want to go home? Did they not want the day to end? All we could do was just wave goodbye and again my heart broke. I already missed my boys- my friends.

As we drove away from Tororo, I had mixed feelings. Such joy from my time spent here. In a way I was so happy knowing how much I would miss the people here because that meant that I had formed relationships. I had fallen in love with these people and that is why my heart ached so much. As much as I am sad to be leaving, I am confident in the faithfulness of my God. He is the protector. He is the counselor. He is the friend. He is the father that never leaves his children. I can only hope that apart of me will remain at SMILE through memories, through stories, through relationships. I have hope that seeds have been planted that God will water and nurture and allow to grow and bear fruit.

While I am uncertain of God’s plans for me in Africa or whether I will be able to see my children again, I have confidence in praying, “May the Lord keep watch between me and thee while we are absent one from another.” –Genesis 31: 49

First day of school

Holiday is over for the children, and dry season has set in. Its hot hot hot in Tororo- seems to get warmer every day! February 1 was the first day of school for everyone in Tororo. SMILE is not a credited school yet, but they offer Primary 1-3 for those children who can’t afford school fees or who would otherwise be on the street. Several children at SMILE have been sponsored by people or organizations and are able to attend school in town but come to SMILE for lunch each day. SMILE was supposed to begin on Feb. 1 as well but like most things in Africa- they are slow to start. When we arrived the teachers were looking for supplies, for books and pencils for all the children. It seemed like this was the first time anyone had thought about school starting haha. I don’t know why I was expecting it to be like a First Day of school in America.

The children were ready though! They are so hungry for structure and for learning. Some of them just went and sat in the classrooms and waited for something to happen. Many of these children value education so much and know it’s their way to a brighter future. In America many of us take for granted our education and the opportunities it provides.

So February 2 was the actual first day of school! I was impressed by their promptness, and I was excited to see them in their school routine. I felt like a mama sending all my children off to start school and taking pictures of their every move! Many of the children were dressed in their best yet others still come barely clothed (they can get away with that here) The ones enrolled in school down the street at Aturukuku came for lunch dressed in their cute little uniforms. Girls in their dresses or skirts and boys in shorts and sweaters (yes sweaters in this heat!) These children arrive and help the kitchen staff finish preparing the rice for all the other children. I found myself busy in the kitchen this week helping Mama Grace and Mama Catherine (my African mamas). I am amazed at how hard they work to prepare two meals a day for 400 children!

After lunch, I decided to sit in on a class to see what they are learning. I was happy to see dedicated teachers jumping right into lessons and exercises. At times I caught myself comparing school at Smile to that of school in America, and I have to remind myself of the circumstances these kids came from and that any education is beneficial and critical in their lives. Smile is doing great things in the lives of these children. It is a place of hope and a future for many who without it might not be able to survive much less thrive.

As we are preparing to leave Smile I am thankful for them starting school because it provides a nice transition. It doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye, but we have to be grateful for spending their holiday with them- playing, making friends and planting seeds for Christ.

a package for sister

A few days ago, Evelyn the long-term missionary told me the team had some mail! There was a letter for someone and a package for Sister Elizabeth. I was like wow someone got mail! But who is Sister Elizabeth? We don’t have a nun or an Elizabeth on the team? Then it hit me that my name was Elizabeth. My parents were sweet enough to name me something I have never been called…so many times I forget my legal name. When I realized it was for me- I was so excited and immediately jumped on a boda boda to the post office!

I was so shocked to see that a package (a bulky envelope) had made it through! We were told that family and friends shouldn’t send packages because we would likely never see them. Many girls on the team were expecting several letters and haven’t seen them yet. So how did this beefy package make it across the world to me- without someone picking through it or just taking it?

The package was addressed to Sister Elizabeth Carkuff and marked Religious/Educational Material. The Return address read: Christian Community Fellowship with my home address following below. I was so confused? What was Christian Community Fellowship and why had my family addressed it as if I was nun? Haha. It is because they are geniuses!!

My parents had googled “how to get a package to Africa.” Disguising the goodies as religious material for a nun had worked! I couldn’t wait to get home and open it…I knew it had to be good.

Of all the sweet cards and yummy snacks, the best gift was the DVD hiding in the bottom of the package. Due to sporadic electricity my computer didn’t have enough battery power to watch it, but as soon as I got power I popped the DVD in- it was entitled “A Strange Christmas”. My family and friends were all apart of a virtual card telling me how much they missed me and how strange the holidays were without me…it was so sweet and so entertaining! My brothers spent so much time making the film- it was so ridiculous and so hilarious. They all enjoy putting on a show and finding creative ways to be thoughtful. It made me miss them so much though. It made me realize how blessed I am to be loved by my brothers- by such a wonderful, supportive family. For all of you who were in the film, it was so good to see your beautiful faces! Thank you for helping me see a little of home.

Living in Africa, God continues to remind me how blessed I am. How blessed I am to be healthy, to have education, to have food and clothing, to have been loved and cared for by my parents, to have this opportunity to be a witness for Christ. At times here in Uganda I have felt guilty for having so much- for having grown up so easy- so carefree- so happy. But I have learned to not think of having these things with guilt but as blessings that have enabled me to reach this place. Many people and experiences have shaped who I am and given me the tools to be here. I have been reminded this week of something that has been so important in my life and my future.

We had a class for the teenage girls at SMILE this week. We talked about the importance of hygiene and nutrition, but then we discussed the importance of purity and honoring God with our bodies. The class went so well, and it was interesting to see that girls around the world- no matter the country or the culture- they all struggle with the same issues when it comes to the opposite sex. All girls have questions and insecurities with boys, with their bodies and with love. Being with some of these young girls who have been abused or mistreated by all the men in their life just made me realize how blessed I am and have been growing up.

For those of you who don’t know, I am an only girl with four brothers. So it’s no surprise that I am a Daddy’s girl…have been and always will be. I have been blessed with an earthly father that I could always count on, who never let me down. Having such faith in my earthly father allowed me to develop a relationship with my heavenly Father. I had a wonderful example of a father here on earth so believing and trusting in my Father was much easier. His love has made me who I am.

I have been blessed with wonderful, handsome brothers who have always protected me. They kept a close eye and wouldn’t let me go far unless they were right behind me. My brothers respect me and adore me. I don’t think they realize how much they affected my life- how much they made me who I am. It’s because of their love and attention that I never looked for love from boys or in unhealthy ways- I didn’t need it. They too drew me closer to God and making a promise to Him to wait for a Godly man, a spiritual leader to make as my life long companion.

I have been so loved by the men in my life- its so important Daddies, brothers, uncles, boyfriends to show the women in your life adoration, respect and love that leads them to security and confidence.

The men in my life, whom I love with all my heart, are also not perfect. They disappoint and frustrate me at times. It is usually like pulling teeth to get them to tell me details and emotions they are feeling, but they are good to me. I just want them to know how much I appreciate their love and how important their love has been in my life.

I was once told, “Behind every good man, is an even better woman”J That woman would be my mom. So in saying all this about my boys, let me assure you that my mother is the rock. Several times on this trip I have said things and done things just like my mother would. Its crazy how much I am becoming my mother, and I couldn’t be more proud to say that. I can only hope to have her selfless desire to do for others- her compassion for people, her friends and her family. As I’m getting older I am realizing my mother’s wisdom and valuing her opinion (I know I haven’t always showed that). My mom has always supported me- even when I’m floating around dreaming of all I want to do. I appreciate that she supports the dreamer in me but keeps me grounded. My mom made the mistake of telling me, “You have the rest of your life to work, so don’t rush, go and figure things out.” I decided to listen to this one. She also told her children that, “Without a relationship with God, you will never be fully satisfied- you will continue to search for happiness and love that will only be temporary.”

My mom continues to inspire me to grow in my relationship with God, and I hope I can do the same for her. I have been blessed beyond measure with more than I deserve, and I thank God for my family and my parents for allowing me to be here in Africa.

In missing my brothers and family this week I decided to introduce American football to the boys at SMILE. If you don’t know, football is a big part of my family’s life and I have missed football all together so throwing the ball around was such a good feeling. Several of the boys took interest in learning, and I have already decided what position would fit each. I wish I could bring them all to American and stack Cascade football team with some new talent. I have really bonded with some of the boys here, and I am blessed to have new brothers! Check out my African brothers playing football…