a sweet, gentle voice

I am in love. I am in love with my sweet little boy, Alapen. When we first arrived at SMILE, Alapen was withdrawn from the rest of the children. He had this worried old man look on his face all the time. It looked as if he was always in deep thought. He never smiled, never laughed, never played with others, never spoke a word, never showed any emotion except when he would cry…big sad tears. The team was immediately drawn to him, and as he got used to us coming every morning he began waiting at the gate for our arrival. When I would bend down to pick him up he just collapsed in my arms...like he’d been waiting so long to be held…waiting so long to be loved. When you hold him, he relaxes and you can sense that he feels safe. He wraps his arms and legs around you and immediately lays his head gently on your shoulder. He seems so content…like this is where we would like to stay- he is in no hurry to jump down and go play. If you let him, he will stay in your arms forever.

Alapen is considered a vulnerable child. His mother got divorced and remarried. She now has children by her second husband, and does not want anything to do with Alapen. One day, the staff saw Alapen’s young mother walking near SMILE and asked her about Alapen. The mother simply said that he had been acting strange the past month, and she didn’t know what to do with him. She doesn’t seem to care. We asked her how old he was, and she said “three” and went on her way. We asked some of the older children where Alapen slept at night- some say with a neighbor- some say in the street of the village. Alapen is an orphan. He does not have parents caring for him. It angers me to think that this mother wants nothing to do with her beautiful, sweet, gentle baby boy. I don’t understand how she could look at him and not want to wrap her arms around him and squeeze him so tight. I don’t understand how she doesn’t want to kiss all over his cute little face. I lay awake at night wondering if he is safe, if he has a warm place to sleep, if he has food in his belly, if he is all alone crying. I just pray that God protects him and watches over him and then returns him to SMILE the next day.

Over the past few weeks, he has turned into a new little boy. I don’t even recognize him anymore. Everyday we all spend time holding and loving on Alapen (at times I feel I am giving him way more attention than the other children and I feel guilty) With time, he has learned to trust the team. I think just by holding him and letting him know he was loved, he felt safe and protected. It began with a sweet little smile- we all were so excited to finally see his teeth! Then we tickled him and got him to softly giggle- we went crazy for that as well. Over the week, he showed more expression and emotion, and before long we caught him playing with other children and speaking in Swahili to those around. I was still waiting to his voice for myself. Yesterday, I was singing a song in Swahili to a few girls crowded around me, and Alapen was lying in my lap. I love when African children sing- they sound like little angels. The language is so beautiful, and though most don’t even know what they are saying their sweet little lips are praising God…its magical. In the midst of singing, I hear this soft, sweet little voice singing the words of the hymn. Alapen knew the words, and he was singing! The sound of his voice was so precious, so gentle, so loving. I had finally heard him speak and even better, sing. I heard God in that gentle quiet voice, and though it was so small I know God heard Alapen singing and was filled with joy.

I was thinking about how God knows each of our voices, no matter how small and quiet or how big and loud- He knows each one and adores each one. He loves to hear each of his children sing praises to Him. My God is so big and so amazing, yet He knows the voice of little insignificant Beth Ann and soft-spoken, timid Alapen. Not only does He know us, but He loves us beyond what we can even comprehend. God wants you to use your voice. He wants your voice- to sing adoration to Him- to uplift others around you- to stand up for those who cannot speak for themselves- to share His word- to speak truth- to provide hope- to give love.

“So pray, I will keep on speaking boldly for Him as I should.” Eph 6:20