While I'm waiting...

Last August I started volunteering at First United Methodist Church in Jackson – A dear friend of mine called and asked if I would be interested in leading a small group within the youth group. My first thought…doubt. Was I ready for this? Was I ready to lead these girls- to help them grow- to guide them, when my walk with God had been so shaky- so inconsistent. How could I be an example when I struggled myself to grow with God?

Even with my doubt I began volunteering every Wednesday night, and before I knew it these girls opened up, began sharing with me, and trusting in me. I just fell in love with them! I began worrying about them, praying for them, wishing I could protect them from pain and sadness. I had thought I was placed as their leader to teach them, but what I soon realized was they were teaching me. Those beautiful girls had led me to work on my relationship with God, to awaken my soul, to reach a spiritual high and stay on it. With this growth and new church family I began thinking less of applying to school and more of applying for mission opportunities- something that had been on my mind and in my heart for a long time.

While I began researching the possibilities of missions in Africa- I still had doubt. I had doubt in not applying for graduate school, in not applying for jobs, in not figuring out my career options. I had doubt in abandoning what I thought I should do- what others expected me to do. For the first time I felt I was listening to God, but it can be difficult sometimes to follow a feeling.

I spent many months waiting. Waiting for acceptance, waiting for an assignment, then waiting for a departure date. In waiting I did become frustrated and discouraged. At one point my assignment changed, and it seemed as if things might not work out at all- for quite sometime. I had days where I laid in my bathroom floor crying- asking God what was I doing? If He wanted me to do this- why was it not easier? Why did I have to face so many obstacles? After a few weeks of feeling like giving up- I picked up a book called “Dangerous Wonder” and it seemed to be just what I needed to hear at that time (I recommend reading itJ) The author, Michael Yaconelli, was talking about having childlike faith in order to abandon everything and follow wonder, passion, and calling- even when its dangerous and risky. In this waiting period, I had learned a great deal. I learned the power of prayer. I learned to trust in God to work things out- on His time- not mine. Waiting had reminded me that serving God in Africa wasn’t at all about when and where I wanted to go. Waiting had reminded me that God never said it would be easy or free from obstacles. I am grateful for the obstacles and the waiting because from it came growth. Waiting allowed me to grow closer with God and better prepare me for the journey ahead.

I once heard “God doesn’t call the qualified- he qualifies the called.” I wasn’t qualified to lead those girls in a small group discussion no more than I am qualified to travel across the world to minister to the orphans of Uganda—but I was called. And I am confident He will qualify me.